We do everything for our child: we prepare his breakfast, we bought him his favorite cereals, but here it is: the milk is not at the right temperature … He groans because he wants me to help him ‘dress while he is past the age. We offer him a great vacation and, again, he finds a way to complain because he’s too hot! In short, our child groans all the time! To believe that our child is really spoiled rotten, that he is never happy and that he will never be… How to react?
Why does a child rattle?
You know my credo: “A child who behaves badly is a child who is bad”.
So why do you think our child rattles all the time? Funny, when I wrote the article on “What to do with a gasping baby?” the answer to this question seemed pretty obvious. When I wrote the article “What to do about a child who moans?”, It was a little less obvious but not rocket science… And now, by addressing the bad mood in a “big” (say around 7 years old) ), here I am drying …
So I put the question to a boy of that age who was spending the holidays with us. Simple and transparent answer: “It’s because I would like my parents to take more care of me”. Exactly the same as for a baby or a young child after all!
Super cereals, vacations in the sun, the pool and ice cream cones, it’s nice … but what he really wants is to be taken care of. And for a child, showing that you are never happy and complaining about a thousand little details (the shape of the cornflakes!), It is just an opportunity to express your frustration … didn’t ask if it was really this cereal he wanted!
Before bitching and complaining, our child has certainly already tried to make us understand otherwise that he would like to spend more time with us: asking us to play ball (“Not now, I’m making lunch”), asking for help getting dressed (“Look, you’re old enough now to do it yourself ”). By dint of receiving negative responses, he threw in the towel and ended up internalizing: “my parents don’t do anything for me, they don’t care about me and don’t give a damn about making me happy”.
Asking for help and bitching is then a good tip so that parents have no choice: if I don’t dress myself, they will have to help me !! While forcing them to play ball is a different story …
As a parent, this lack of autonomy exasperates us. Because we have other children to take care of; because we are focused on something else; or simply because he KNOWS how to do it, while he lets us enjoy a little of our free time! In short, feeling over-solicited, we would tend to flee and be even less motivated to spend time with our child who is never happy.
And there, hello the vicious circle: we give him less and less “pleasant” time, so he will ask for more attention, multiply bad behavior so that we take care of him, which will make us want to leave it all alone … at the risk of seeing this frustration turn into tears, fits or big anger. In short, our child certainly groans all the time, but it is because he needs to establish a real relationship with us, and that he does not know how to tell us: “Say Mum / Dad, I understand that your job is important. Could it be that we both take a moment and that you give me the same quality of attention! “.
Moreover, you will find keys to help our child to better control his emotions and in particular his anger in our special file, the ANTI-ANGER PACK: The ultimate file to manage frustrations, ‘whims’ and other crises, bFull of advice and other ideas … If you are interested, to receive it (free of charge, of course), nothing could be simpler: enter your email below and I will send it directly to your inbox.
How can we put an end to the unnecessary complaints and solicitations of our children?
Devote time to him
If we have entered this vicious circle, we must act: it is up to us, parents, to reverse the trend by taking time for it. I’m talking about “real” time here, a time of play, a time of discussion, a time just for him, to make him feel that he matters to us and that he is not just one more mouth. to feed.
And for a child, even 7 years old, to communicate is above all to play.
Lawrence J. Cohen (American psychologist, specialist in children’s play), said: Children don’t say “I had a hard day at school today: can I tell you about it?” They say, “Are you playing with me? “.
So let’s take the time to really play with him, finding games that suit him and us. Let’s play ball, board games, organize theater improvisations, make paper casseroles, have a pillow fight, tell each other jokes, play grotesque characters, organize a treasure hunt , etc. And (the most difficult) let’s not play with him “to play”, “so that he leaves us alone”, but we also try to take full advantage of this moment, to be with him, 100% present, to think of nothing other than the game we share. It is by giving him this real attention that he will feel considered, loved, satisfied.
Of course, things won’t get better overnight, it will take a little while for her to be full, and family harmony to be restored, but it’s clearly worth the wait!
Listen to him and take his opinion into consideration
We want to please our children with a walk to the zoo, a great dessert or a trip to the movies and they are still moaning. It drives us crazy! We feel like we are sacrificing ourselves and not being rewarded. However, if we organize something to make him happy, wouldn’t it be best to discuss it with him beforehand? To let him suggest activities or give his opinion.
Obviously, one cannot always take only one’s opinion into account. But the point is to listen to him and involve him when possible.
Take the vacation example. We choose to go to the Creuse this summer (and it is not negotiable). Why not tell our children: “We are going on vacation in the Creuse, is there an activity that you would like us to do together?”
By having the right to express himself, he feels considered and listened to.
From a certain age, it becomes essential to encourage our child to share his opinion and his feelings. He finally has the opportunity to communicate, let’s take advantage of it! Let’s give him the floor and listen to him, that’s what will make him grow. And the parent-child exchanges will be richer and richer. We all have to gain!
We wish to say thanks to the writer of this post for this remarkable content
My child groans all the time: the key attitude to make him smile again!