You can no longer take your 11 month old baby (up to 24 months! N’) not obeying? He has put your phone in the bathroom three times, systematically runs in the street in the opposite direction, does not want to put on his coat, touches what he has been asked not to touch…? And you can scold him or put him in the corner: nothing helps, he starts again! Many of you have told me about this kind of experience. So let’s dig a little deeper into the subject… What happens to an 11 month old baby?
What cap (s) for a baby 11 months and over?
Of course, not all children move at the same pace. Moreover, between my eldest daughter and my second (a boy), our toddlers’ 11-month mark was not really the same!
However, according to child psychiatrists, there are many similarities in development.
- 11 months, baby crawls harder or crawls on all fours, then learns to stand up, and finally, it is the age of first steps in autonomy (or almost).
- These are also the beginnings of spoken language : until now, he understood well, now he can answer us. (Of course, we may have started to speak in sign language which already allows him to express himself happily (and less frustration)).
- Therefore his personality asserts itself more and more…
- And on the dentition side, the premolars also point the tip of their nose, which can work them!
OK, that’s in the books! But I took the time to observe my Loulou …
Observation of an 18 month old toddler
This is great, we have an 18 month old baby boy at home ourselves, and (I assure you) he does the same! A few days ago, I took the time to observe it more closely. I then realized what we had never really paid attention to: he does a lot of nonsense! In the space of fifteen minutes, he had managed to eat Memory’s cards, peel a box of tissues, tap with all his might on the pretty table with his spoon, put his fingers in my almost hot tea, scrape the lump of butter with his bread, to throw his bottle on the ground …
Still, I have to say that with her daddy, it never really posed a problem for us. We don’t see him as a difficult child. And yet, he is much less wise than his sister at the same age! Why this “tolerance” towards our son? Because…
Our child’s brain is designed to do ‘stupid things’ as they say, that’s his job!
By 11 months, baby is quite able to understand a number of things, especially instructions (such as a NO or a STOP). But the need to explore and understand the world around him is even stronger! His brain is PROGRAMMING to discover, explore, experience … and this inevitably ends in small accidents. And what we call “stupidity” is often only “clumsiness”.
During the first 5 years of life, connections between neurons in the child’s brain are created at a breakneck speed (700 to 1000 connections per second). The brain is under construction. Thanks to these connections, the neurons will become operational. All the experiences that our child goes through create a new synapse in their brain. Hence his passion for experimentation and his need for imitation.
The intention, by tapping on the table or putting your fingers in my tea, is good to try and understand new sounds and textures. When he eats the memory, he is not aware of spoiling a game, he just needs to cut his teeth. When he scrapes the butter with his bread, he just tries to be ‘like the grown-ups’. Etc.
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Our 11 month old baby (up to 4 years old sometimes) has no intention of bothering us!
To be able to intentionally annoy, you have to be able to distinguish what you can or cannot do, then get an image (Machiavellian 😈… Gniarc, gniarc, gniarc 🔥) of how to harm the other! It is very far from the functioning of a child, no offense to the defenders of caprice! No need therefore to lend them intentions towards us!
An 11 month old baby does not understand why he is allowed to pour sand, but he is forbidden to pour his mash into his glass. He does not understand why he has the right to bang on a drum but not on the table. And will not always make the connection between the time he was scolded for putting felt on the sofa, and this time when he is putting pen on the chair.
You don’t have to read neuroscience studies to understand that a child (ex: baby 11 months) does not act with the intention of damaging the material, nor to annoy his parents. He is unaware of the impact of his actions. And even though he manages to remember that he was forbidden to touch glasses the day before, he is not always able to help himself. The ‘rational’ part of his brain is still immature, and can hardly control what his instinctive part dictates. His need to discover, to experience is stronger than him.
So what to do with this 11 month old baby who touches everything: forbidding, scolding, punishing?
Prohibit or help to understand?
By forbidding our child to touch this or that, will we teach him respect for things? When someone is respectful of things, he does not do it out of obligation or under duress, he does it because he himself is convinced. For example, I take off my dirty shoes to walk on the carpet … But you have to understand a number of things to make these links, and a toddler has not yet ‘gathered’ enough experience to make him even the connections. Making our child do something out of obligation is not what will create a deep ‘value’ in him. We can therefore simply formulate “Loulou, watch out, look, your shoes are dirty. Take them off to walk on the carpet please! “ Because it may be obvious to us, but not at all to him !
And like at that age, he doesn’t always understand why are we restricting our freedom, he may sometimes burst into tears or get angry, just feeling that his parent is ‘mean’ to him, does not like him.
What to do when everything is forbidden?
Our 11-24 month old baby has an essential need for discovery, it would be a shame to jump at each of these nonsense (“No! Don’t touch that!”).
Let’s also try to put ourselves in his place: on a trip, we visit ruins. And nowhere is it mentioned what is forbidden to do. We descend a small staircase, and a guide catches up with us: “No no, don’t go that way!” “. Then you touch a wall, ditto: “Above all, don’t touch! “. And then we take a step forward: “Stop! “. At the end of the fifth reflection, according to our temperament, we will no longer dare to move, or else we will hold our own and send the bans to the devil… In any case, there is a great chance that we will no longer have so much fun visiting, and that we will gradually lose our thirst for discovery.
In short, if we reproach our baby too regularly for making discoveries or experiments, we risk curbing his thirst for learning.
But that’s not all ! By dint of being scolded, our child can also lose self-confidence, and we know that many problems are linked to a lack of self-confidence.
When it comes to the question of punishment, I tend to think that educating without punishing gives much better termination in the medium or even long term …
What attitude to adopt when dealing with a baby aged 11-24 months?
Be calm to be heard
I don’t know about you, but personally, if someone yells at me to tell me I’ve done something wrong, I hear the anger, but not the gist of the message. My senses are on alert. My brain is saturated with emotion, incapable of understanding!
A small sentence passed gently, looking baby in the eye and standing at his level will have all the more chance to be heard in the present, and memorized by the child for the rest.
Show him that it touches us
Our children are very emphatic, so they can sense when something saddens us! To help them understand that a gesture was not suitable, we can also overplay our emotions (sadness, disappointment), not in relation to our child but in relation to his gesture: “Oh no! The pretty sofa… it’s all stained now. Markers are for sheets of paper! The idea is to make him feel our emotion, not to make him feel guilty of course!
Don’t think of a pink elephant!
It’s a classic of positive pedagogy, but if we tell you that, what do you think? For a child, it’s the same!
You’ve seen your toddler look you straight in the eye when you say “DON’T TOUCH THE CABINET”… No, that’s not a challenge! He hears Touch + Placard and he listens to you kindly (cute isn’t it 😉). So let’s try to phrase our sentences in positive “Leave the closet”. Likewise, it is better to “stay on this sidewalk / stay next to me” rather than “do not cross”.
It is harder to understand DON’T DO… than what to do. It seems obvious, and yet …
Finally, the last semantic trick, it is better to have an immediate STOP which suggests a danger than a NO given all the time… Let us choose our fights to be heard!
What if we start by removing the fragile things from its surroundings?
Rather than forbidding, at this age, it is best to organize the space. Its security and our serenity are well worth a small security kit (door units and other reorganizations of cupboards)! Let’s give ourselves the opportunity to avoid a few hassles, and to avoid some frustrations, for example by removing precious objects from his reach … Let’s close the bathroom door, lock some cupboards with knives or household products, put sensitive objects ( CDs or other works of art) out of reach.
Of course, this is not to stop living! If we have a fireplace in the living room, we are not going to remove it! Whatever the environment, the child will always end up testing something forbidden.
Better to teach him respect for things, and make him aware of the potential dangers. For that, (as for example for the bottle thrown on the ground), I sometimes use the method described in this article How to deal with the stupidities of our children? which is to express my feelings, and it works pretty well! But let’s not overdo it either (see also the article What if sometimes we had to avoid pointing out all the stupidities of our child?)
Let’s give him alternatives
He needs to explore, that’s a fact … So let’s make sure he can exercise his thirst for discovery without breaking everything. Let’s exchange his metal spoon for a wooden spoon so that he can tap without damaging it, offer him bowls of water so that he can transfer without spoiling the mash, etc. (see the article: Get inspired by the stupidities of your children, to choose their Christmas gifts!)
Baby 11 months: heading for freedom?
A child lives, discovers, experiences. He crumbles when he eats a cake. He risks putting a mark on the table when he draws. That’s life, you have to accept it! As parents, learning patience and a Zen attitude is a daily job. And you will have noticed, it is when you feel rested and well in your head, that you are the most able to react positively to these small incidents. But because being cool is not always easy either, I created the Cool Boost, the coaching of my dreams, accessible and fun to accompany parents towards a cooler daily life.